An irreverent look at motherhood and family life in a new state of normal.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Lobster Mommy

I relax by taking a bath.... preferably with nice bath salts. For some reason, the smell of nice salts and the comfort of the warm water relaxing all my muscles just makes me feel like nothing can go wrong in the world.

I don't just take a warm bath, I scorch myself until I look like a lobster. I knew I was different when we went to a hot springs that had progressive pools and I just went straight to the hottest one and sat there waiting for my wimpy friends to all sit in one pool after another getting slightly warmer and warmer until they finally couldn't handle it anymore.

Toward the beginning of our marriage, Andy thought it might be nice to get in a bath with me. As his toe hit the water, I heard the hiss of his breath as he sucked it in. He actually made it all the way to the sitting position before he decided the temperature might just kill his sperm count and he escaped never to try getting in with me again. Wimp...

Now that my life gets continually more and more stressful, I take more and more baths. It's the only time I get away from both kids and with the bathroom fan going, I can't hear the "Mommy, Mommy" or the crying or anything. I pretend like I'm all alone in the world and just breath in the steam and the smell of the nice salts and the relaxation.

Cate is a puker (projectile puker) and seems to get a higher than normal amount of yuck in her neck folds and it needs to be soaked off her skin so I have been getting her into the bath with me. Now, just as hot water relaxes me, cold water tenses me up. I have to get in a luke warm (to me) bath to have the baby in there with me so it doesn't scald her skin. I hate it but I have to be in there with her to keep just her face out of the water and get that little neck under and soaked clean. This causes me to have to let all the cold, yucky, puked in Cate water out of the bath, wipe it down, and then fill it with my scalding, relaxing Mommy water. I sink down into the steam, calm down, and get warm again.

Ok, the point of this post: there are certain maintenance men who check to see how much water we (the whole campus) are going through. When it gets a little excessive, they send out an email to all the staff to check to see if there is a leak or if there is a faucet that cannot be turned off. Guys, if you are seeing a ridiculous amount of water coming through the pipes, it's because I'm taking way more baths and sometimes I have to take two at a time. I know, I'm totally ruining the earth with my water wastage but... at least I'll be relaxed when the world ends from the lack of water.


  1. thanks for the laugh! I too am a lobster mommy!

  2. I can totally relate, as I used to go through 2 or 3 at a time while feverishly reading some great novel. Alas, no bathtub in our little house. How I miss those long, happy soaks!

  3. Ah...I love the hot bath. We are definatley related. When Daniel and I went to Pagosa's hot springs...I went to the hottest tub as and some big overly hairy older man...but the water was so nice that I stuck it out.