An irreverent look at motherhood and family life in a new state of normal.

Friday, January 29, 2010

One of my favorite things

My very best friend is my little shaggy dog
Chewing on my tennis shoes and running through the hall
He's kind of like my shadow, cause he's everywhere I go
He sleeps in my bed, but my mommy doesn't know

I hide him in my pocket cause he's very, very small
Germs, Germs, my invisible dog

He runs like the wind, and he knows some funny tricks
He doesn't like carrots and spinach makes him sick
He loves cotton candy and purple lemonade
Oreo cookies and yellow Gatorade

I hide him in my pocket cause he's very, very small
Germs, Germs, my invisible dog

We ride our ponies to castles far away
Chasing funny dinosaurs and dragons long the way
We often go exploring where the river winds and bends
Cowboy hats and wooden rafts like Huckleberry Finn

I hide him in my pocket cause he's very, very small
Germs, Germs, my invisible dog

I take him to church but nobody ever sees
The little shaggy spotted dog sitting on my knee
He's learning bible verses and he loves the happy songs
But he often falls asleep when the sermon is too long

I hide him in my pocket cause he's very, very small
Germs, Germs, my invisible dog
I hide him in my pocket cause he's very, very small
Germs, Germs, my invisible dog
Germs, Germs, my invisible dog
Germs, Germs, my invisible dog

Narcotics and Me!

Ok, when I was dying from the kidney stone, they gave me a narcotic to help deal with the pain. I have only been on this powerful of drugs a couple of times: once when I got my tonsils out, when I got my wisdom teeth out, and when I gave birth. I have discovered that this is not a good thing for me. Well, maybe it is and maybe it isn't. I am definitely not myself when I'm on drugs. When the drugs start to take effect, I'm everybodies friend. I love you and you and you and you....

"Honey, who are you talking to?"

"Oh, Babe. These ER people are great aren't they? We've been here for 6 hours and they haven't offered us a single cracker or anything and they are just the best. I love them."

"Ummm.... we're leaving. Are you going too be ok to get to the car if I bring it around?"

"Oh, sure. I can't feel a thing."

In the car...

"I love you and you and you and you..."

"Honey, that's a telephone pole."

"Don't you love telephone poles? They are so strong and big..."

"Oh, brother...."

"WAIT! Stop at Arby's. I have a craving. I'm totally allowed to have cravings. I'm pregnant and on drugs. I've been through a lot today and I need a milk shake. Isn't that drive up girl a sweetheart?"

"Oh, brother..."

When I got my tonsils out, I was waking up from the anethesia and I thanked every nurse and doctor in sight for what a wonderful job they were doing. After I gave birth, the combo of hormones and drugs made me love the doctor I had only met once, the nurses who were bringing me water and every person in the whole room. I love you and you and you and... "Callie?"

"Yes, Mom."

"Shut up..."

"Ok, I love yooouuuuuu....."

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Sticks and Stones

I have been sick for almost a week. I couldn't figure out what it was. People kept telling me I needed to go to the emergency room. (over the weekend) I am very skeptical about going to the emergency room. So much so that I have never gone for myself accept once when I was very young. I have gone to Urgent Care, I have made sick appointments with my doctor, but I never go to the emergency room.

Here's the deal with the emergency room in my mind. Have you ever had a problem with your computer? Then you take it to that IT guy and he turns it on and there's nothing wrong with it and then, of course, you take it home and it crashes. That's what happens to me with my body. Finally, after much pain and four days of calling the doctor and being told to hydrate, I was on the floor and couldn't get up from the pain. I called Andy to come home and get me and take me to the ER. Even then, I had talked to my clinic and they said to bypass the ER and just go to Labor and Delivery. After being checked there and told that I was not in labor (and of course, relaxing enough that I wasn't puking my guts out anymore) I was sent to the regular ER to find out what the pain was all about. They doped me up and then took my urine sample, ultrasounded every organ in my body. All of a sudden, it made sense. I saw a marble in my bladder on the ultrasound. So did the ultrasound tech. Snap! She took a picture, sent me off to the waiting room where I sat with my wonderful, starving husband (we had been there for 6 hours without food) for the doctor to tell me that I had the mother of all kidney stones. I was so happy that there was a reason for the pain. I know nobody prays for kidney stones but I just needed to know what it was. I am now drugged up for the pain and trying to have this baby before the baby. I don't know when it's going to come out but hopefully soon. The problem with drugs is that you feel no pain but you still can't get anything done because you are DRUGGED! I really can't wait to just be back at work.

OK, to all my friends (Laura, Alisha, Heather, Shelly, and all the people that have helped me with stuff while I was sick), you are all the best. I can't believe how awesome everyone has been. THANK YOU! I could not have done all this without my wonderful friends and of course, the husband that never quits.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Being Sick... NOT!!!

When you have a toddler, you are not allowed to be sick. Seriously! You can take a sick day from work. You can hope that she will be calm that day, but unless you have great friends, like mine, and a great husband, like I do, you aren't going to get any kind of a break. Even then, your friends have lives too. Most likely, your husband has to work and you will inevitably get stuck with the kid. You are not allowed to sleep while that toddler is awake. They will make huge messes that you can't clean up because you can't function. You will get no rest, you will have to change diapers, feed them and continue to be a jungle gym for the duration of your illness. If you are pregnant, it is way worse. Not only do you feel like crap but you feel like CRAP! You can't hold the baby at all, you can't get stuff done and generally, your house and life will go to pot. I look around and see that without my friends and my husband, things would be a lot worse but things are not good. The kitchen is a mess. The floor is disgusting and I just want to get in bed and not get out until the new baby is born and I am recovered enough to NEST the way I want.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

I need advice...

Has anyone gone into preterm labor? What were your symptoms and how did you feel? Let me know as I am sick today and wondering about this alot.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Legs... again

I am the luckiest girl in the world. I am married to this awesome guy. I woke up at 6:30 this morning and headed off to class. When I got back, he let me sleep for several hours. I was awakened by this pain in my leg. Now, I have felt leg cramps coming on before and have always been able to concentrate on relaxing my leg and making it go away. This time, I was asleep so I didn't feel it coming and I just woke up in more pain than I have been in a while. I cried out because I was really hurting. He came running and being the PE teacher, Lifeguard, general all around physical therapist kind of guy he is, he worked it out of my leg in no time flat. Now, it was achy for a while after and I could feel the lactic acid working its way through my muscles but I wasn't curled up on the bed wondering if my leg would fall off. He's amazing. I went back to sleep and I got some amazing rest. Why the leg cramps? Why the water weight? Why the RLS? What is with the legs? There is no action going on that far down.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Restless Leg Syndrome: A symptom of pregnancy?!

With both pregnancies, I have experienced this phenomenon. Now, let me be the first to say that I was a total skeptic when it came to the legitimacy of this condition. It was funny to watch all those drug commercials saying that this was debilitating and ask your doctor about this med. I thought they were all nuts. But, I have it now. In the last half of both pregnancies, I have gotten what I call RLS for pregnancy. It is when you have the uncontrollable urge to move your legs or flex your leg muscles. It's a total pain in the neck. It usually comes on at night around 11 or 12 and lasts several hours. If you see my legs all cramped up under me, they are flexed and I'm dealing with a bought of this strange syndrome right at that moment. If you see my leg bouncing out of control, it's the same thing. The problem is, you are still using energy to do this movement so you can come out of it with sore muscles and completely exhausted if it's a long bought.

Moral, don't judge what people are feeling until you walk a mile in their shoes, or bounce your leg for 3 hours without being able to stop...

Sunday, January 17, 2010

No more travel for Mommy

I remember my sister saying that her son missed his daddy and Sebbie was only 2 years old. I thought, "Woman, you are crazy. He doesn't know."

This of course was because everything revolves around me and since Abby didn't know much at that time (she was only 4 months old) then neither did Sebbie. I was wrong. Casey, I'm sorry. I was wrong. They know.

Abby was missing her Daddy the other day and she's not even 2 yet. She asks where he is. She knows his footsteps as he comes up the stairs and opens the door. She knows that he is the one that plays and I'm the one that feeds and changes and then lays on the couch like a beached whale. She knows the difference. It is hard when he is gone. Therefore, when he had to go on a tour, we decided to go with him as he has been gone at work so much that Abby was getting very tired of him leaving and would cry when he walked out the door in the morning. So, I packed her up as well I could for a bus ride and we were off. She did alright on the way there. We stayed with a lovely lady who almost killed us several times while driving us to her house. We went to a wonderful church and had Sabbath School and church (two services) and then with a very tired and grouchy Abby, we set off back to the lady's house for a nap. Abby cat napped in the car (even with the erratic driving) and was not going down for another even after 2 hours of fighting about it. Of course, on our way to the performance, she zonked out in the car again.

The performance was great - until a kid fell off a pyramid on her side and thwacked her head and even though she wasn't hurt badly, we HAD to call 911 and she was hauled off on a stretcher and checked out at the hospital along with a kid who landed a tumbling pass wrong and sprained his ankle. We packed up the equipment and headed out for late night Taco Bell where we waited for 2 hours for the emergency room kids to meet us and then headed home. We arrived around 2 in the morning. Now, all this is normal. (Acro, what Andy teaches, is very like cheerleading which is the sport that leads in injuries above ALL OTHERS, even football.) Emergency room visits, late night bus rides and craziness from teenagers is totally how it is on tours. I have to say that our kids are very easy to deal with. But! Regardless of all that, I'm not in a position to be doing all of this.

There are women that backpack, camp, travel and are generally out there during pregnancy and hauling along a brood off kids but that NOT ME! I'm just high maintenance. I need to be at my own house, with my own stuff and ride in my own car. I need to know my schedule and be able to plan. Well, I guess I'm done with travel until I have this baby and that's ok. It's only 1 1/2 months away. 33 weeks today, people. Next week I will be out of the real danger zone for delivering early and I will be able to go at any time without any real complications. Yay!

Potty Training - Part 3

Abby peed in the potty today without me even having to tell her. She just sat down after she got out of the bath and peed. It was great. We rejoiced with chocolate (good thing it's early in the morning) and she is happy and ready to do it again. We'll see if this continues...


Friday, January 15, 2010


Between coupons and Bonus Card savings and looking for things that don't matter with brand name, I have taken what used to be a $300 grocery shop down to $150. Saved $36 just in one trip between Bonus Card and Coupons and I saved $.30 a gallon on gas at the Shell because of the Bi-Lo thing. Rejoice with me people!

I must admit, I still buy the most expensive pickles because they are just the only kind I like, and if I'm getting mayo, I get Helmans because I love it, and if I'm going to get ice cream just to eat, I get Haagen Daz because it's my favorite... But I'm still saving way more than I used to.

See pretty dress?

Abby has picked up on the way we say things and complete sentences are forthcoming. She says, "See the pretty dress?" as she walks around wrapped in my nightgown like a little bat. It's so funny. Isn't is amazing to watch our kids get more and more aware of what is going on and how we are communicating.

I have realized that certain words (markers, paper, crackers, cookies, juice...) all have to be spelled now due to her knowing to much and us never hearing the end of how she want's to use the markers and papers. Problem, Andy and I aren't good spellers and even translating the others spelling can be rather difficult. We have to spell stuff slower and slower and Abby is going to know what we are saying before we do.

Back pain better. Going to the doctor (hopefully the good one) today. We'll see. Andy is going on a tour today and won't be back until tomorrow night. I hate that because I can't bend over so I have to rely on my 1 year old to pick up stuff and hand it to me. This game is only fun for a little while for her and she retreats to her room to jump on her trampoline.

Got a lot done on the cross stitch last night due to insomnia. Will post pictures soon. I've been working on it for a year and I'm not even half way done. Definitely a long term project. I'm not used to dragging stuff out this long and not tossing it or finishing it.

Good luck to all of you who are doing the 30 day shred with Jillian. Let me know how it works because I really want to do it in the end of April or the beginning of May.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


Let's talk about nesting during pregnancy. Nesting is NOT cleaning the house. Nesting is not doing a little more than usual. Nesting is when you find yourself dusting your ceiling fan at midnight because you have insomnia and can't live in this horrible house any longer. Nesting is when your husband walks in and you look like an inverted turtle on the ground with resolve in one hand and a toothbrush in the other and you say, "I can't get up because my back hurts but I did all the spots on the carpet and then all the baseboards and this house is DISGUSTING!" Nesting is when you can't sleep because you can smell every little thing in the house and you are sure that someone is gassing you out in the night. Nesting is when you organize your 1 year old's toys AS SHE IS PLAYING WITH THEM! Nesting is when at least once a week, you scare the crud out of your husband by cooking a four course meal. (Crap! Did I forget our anniversary? Is it her birthday? Is it my birthday?) "Hey, Honey. It's Tuesday... Yay?"

On another note, I have been having severe back pain. Andy bought me some icy hot stuff and it looks remarkably like deoderant. I barely stopped Abby from using it in exactly that way before I DID IT MYSELF! Yep, pregnancy stupids are kicking in as well. All brain cells are being leaked into the baby. (That kid better be REALLY smart.) My pits were on fire for about 20 minutes. Side note: Do not put on icy hot directly after a hot bath. It makes it UNBEARABLE! Between icy hot, taking it easy at work, laying down alot and not lifting anything really heavy accept Josh and Abby, I'm doing better. Andy is a saint and has been taking care of alot more stuff for me here at the end.

EIGHT WEEKS and it's over! Woo Hoo!!!!

Friday, January 8, 2010

Frying In Front of the TV

Abby usually only watches TV when she is getting her hair done. Now, today, I was on day two of a raging headache. I also didn't sleep at all last night. 2 am seems to be the witching hour for me and I'm up and wishing I wasn't for HOURS. I finally dozed off again around 5:45 but was awakened by the stirring of the house around 8. I got up and laid on the couch where I turned on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and let Abby fry there for about 2 hours in her PJs. We still haven't showered and I'm still nursing this terrible headache.

The problem with being sick when you have kids is whether it's you or them that is out, both of you are stuck in the house. You are stuck with them or they are stuck with you. It's not really a sick day when you still have to change diapers, feed and water the kid, and you don't actually get any rest because the second you start to doze off, even a little, there is a tiny voice next to you saying, "Mommy sleeping? Shhhh?"

"Yes, Mommy sleeping. Please watch TV. Allow your brain to sizzle for a while and let Mommy keep her eyes closed."

Then Mickey is working and you start to doze off a bit and then you realize, "If I sleep, this kid is going to destroy something or get into some kind of chemical that isn't locked up and then what will I do?"

So you lay there with one eye open hoping that it will be enough rest to carry you through until her bedtime and willing the clock to strike 12:30, nap time. But then she hasn't done anything productive to get out that energy so nap time is not going to happen. Man...

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Coach Abby

Today Josh came over and Abby decided it was time for him to learn some gymnastics. She has been working on jumping with him. They go in her room and jump on the tramp and the bed and they jump off the table (although Josh is not brave enough to jump off the table yet.)

Abby wanted him to learn a forward roll so she demonstrated. He watched. We clapped. Josh thought about it. Abby said, "Come on, Joshua." (Her favorite phrase.) Then she patted the ground with her hands. There went Josh: head down, hands down and walking his feet closer and closer to his inverted head until he fell over. She clapped. She did hers again and when he went to copy her, she supported his hips and legs and pushed him over. Not a very graceful roll but she clapped nevertheless. It was the cutest thing I have ever seen. She is a coach in the making. Can't wait to see what she teaches him next. She attempted to get him to put on blush today but he ran, clearly deciding that one coaching session from her was enough.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Mom's Group

Well, today was interesting. Showed up at the mall. No one was there so I went to Starbucks where they informed me that the whole mall was out of water and they only had iced decaf so I got some of that and a nice juice for Abby and headed back to the play place. No one still. We played for 5 minutes until I noticed that there was something liquidy coming from Abby's pants. Not good. She NEVER poops or pees through a diaper so I knew that something was wrong. No bathrooms because the water was off in the mall so I changed her in a corner, wadded up her dirty pants and put them in a bag. We walked, her in only a diaper and me with my belly hanging out to the Children's Place where I bought a new pair of pants and then we headed back to the play place. No one still. I let her run around for a while and then decided no one was going to show and Abby was getting hungry. We headed back home where she has pooped 3 more times in the span of 30 minutes. I think there is something wrong. She must have a stomach bug.

Anyway, I'm not sure about this Mom's Group thing. There have been many weeks when I'm the only one and I'm wondering if it's worth it to keep trying to do it. If you REALLY have interest and want to do it, let me know. Otherwise, I'm going to just head out to the mall whenever I feel like it and stop trying to meet people there. I don't know if it's just a bad time for people or what. I will be taking suggestions as I know our kids like to play together but they can't drive.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

31 weeks and I'm dying

I'm at 31 weeks and I'm going to die. Symptoms to look forward to at this stage of pregnancy:

1. Being so big every pair of pants accept your husbands sweats cut off your circulation. Bras as well. You have to get a large bra. I also feel the pain of obesity. I have back issues, hip issues and my legs always feel like they are about to crap out on me.

2. Baby moving around. Now, at first, this is cool. Then all my organs are squished so much that all this movement is becoming rather painful.

3. Water weight. Yes, the tingly feeling of water weight seeping into my cells is starting to drive me nuts. Everything itches and tingles and it's just not nice to notice that your whole body is swelling up like a water balloon.

Well, onward to the end! I will triumph.

Monday, January 4, 2010


Abby calls wipes "yipes" and no matter how hard I try to say it right so she will have proper annunciation and become a distinguished member of society, I can hardly do it anymore because it's just so darn cute to hear her sound all surprised even though she is only asking for a wipe and I hear her say it all the time and I just plain forget that it should be W-I-P-E-S!

So wipes are her favorite toy and she takes them all around the house with her and when she throws them away she says goodbye to them. If she is getting up on the table or heading to her room with a wipe in hand, she says, "Come on, yipes." Somehow, she has developed this relationship with wipes. Monk in the making?

Today, I put her beautiful braids in and proudly totted her off to gymnastics (nakies) where she was a perfect angel. These braids are not only to boost my self esteem every time someone makes a comment on what a beautiful kids she is and how good she must be to sit still through it all, but also, they keep the hair out of her face and her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Sadly, for Christmas, she got that adorable hairdryer and brush set that she now uses to pull her hair out of the braids. She runs to me saying, "Off?" Which means she wants me to take out the braids so she can brush her hair. Today, I took out the braids at 11 am which makes it hardly worth it to have put them in accept that we did go to gymnastics. Then she proceeds to brush her hair ONCE. Yes! That is one brush stroke. Then she drops the brush and hairdryer and runs off to text some unsuspecting Chinese person with my phone and comment on it to her friend the "yipe" which she then throws in the trash while waving and saying, "Bye, bye, yipe."

Oh, well. At least when Stephanie was here for gymnastics, we got pictures with the braids still in. Here they are:

Friday, January 1, 2010

Bra Picture

Abby decides she wants to try on Mommy's "boobs."

New Years? Really?

As we move into this new year, I feel annoyed with the fact that I can't make my usual New Years resolutions. Last year, I resolved to walk at least 3 times a week and did until pregnancy stopped me literally in my tracks. Now, I'm pregnant and the only New Years resolutions I can make should have nothing to do with weight as that will not even be feasible until I have this baby and heal.

It doesn't even feel like a new year. It just feels like a continuation of everything. It's all starting to run together. Is that normal for my age? Or maybe its because we are teachers and May is the real end of the year, then there is a break, then we get a new beginning in August.

Ok, so what can I resolve about this year? I want to be less judgmental. I want to have better relationships and have my mouth sewn shut. Those sound good.

Hope everyone had a great New Years. I drank fake bubbly and waited until midnight in my bathrobe and fuzzy socks at home with my husband who cares about me no matter what I look like. What more could a girl want?

Dressing Herself

Well, Abby is starting to really talk and make sense. She can express what she wants and the other day, she wanted to dress herself. I'm amazed at the fact that she doesn't really have to many food preferences but she will insist that she wants to wear a dress or pants or something crazy like this picture that I took of her ensemble from the other day.

Of course, she wanted to wear "pawn-ties," a winter coat and her Sabbath shoes. Then to make it even more hilarious, when I was taking a picture, she insisted on showing the camera her belly button as she believes it is her best feature.

On a side note: Can you imagine being labeled the "Underwear Bomber?" HA! Every time I hear that, I giggle. Seriously. I mean, his only success was making airline travel way more inconvenient than it already was, burning off his manhood, and being dubbed THE UNDERWEAR BOMBER!