An irreverent look at motherhood and family life in a new state of normal.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Daddy Goes to Work

Andy has been working really hard for several weeks. There is always a time when the WHOLE staff if totally overworked and burned out towards the end of the school year. Alumni weekend, Academy Days, Homeshows, Finals, and then Graduation all in a row and nothing we can do about it. But then there is summer and some of us get a break. Until then, Daddy goes to work ALL THE TIME. This morning, Abby had enough. As Andy got ready to go out the door, she wailed, "Abby go work with Daddy!" But she can't. She cried until I bribed her with Clifford. She seems to be doing better now but it's hard to have all those days where she sees him maybe 5 minutes a day. I know this happens to every family but we do get really tired of it after several weeks in a row. Thank goodness Homeshows are over after this weekend.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

One of those days...

Last night I made dough for the homemade doughnuts.

  • This morning I got up after only 3 hours of sleep to the sound of the dog barking.
  • Watched Andy get Abby dressed and ready for the day.
  • Fed Cate
  • Cleaned the kitchen so I could do the doughnuts.
  • Fried the doughnuts. (they turned out amazing)
  • Fed Cate several times during the doughnut thing.
  • Cleaned up the flour paste Abby made when she used a dirty sponge to help Mommy clean up the flour from the doughnut thing.
  • Ate way to many doughnut holes.
  • Watched Andy eat his weight in doughnuts knowing that he won't gain a single lb.
  • Got the kids to the baby sitter.
  • Fed Cate.
  • Got to class with a tray full of doughnuts to give to those in the office so I wouldn't become some freak of nature fat person on TLC.
  • Taught class.
  • Graded papers.
  • Picked up the kids.
  • Went grocery shopping.
  • Made homemade meatless meatballs for dinner (take that Morning Star Farms!!!)
  • Put away excess food.
  • Fed Cate several more times.
  • Bathed Abby after she bathed herself in sauce from the meatballs.
  • Put curlers in Abby's hair.
  • Cleaned up all her toys while feeding Cate again.
  • Vacuumed.
  • Read Abby a story, kissed her baby doll goodnight, sang her a song, prayed to Jesus and told her to get to sleep.
  • Fed Cate (like every hour all day...)
  • Let Abby pee when she came out of her room and put her back in her bed while she protested that bed was not her thing and she had a shoe stuck on her foot.
  • Finally sat for three seconds in silence before Cate started crying and Andy came home.

The Sponge

Today I am perfecting the doughnuts again which calls for alot of flour and craziness in a very small kitchen. Abby wanted to help so when I got done with the delicate task of setting them aside to rise, I gave Abby a sponge and let her go to town on helping me clean up the kitchen. She has successfully gotten flour, dirty water paste all over my kitchen and is now getting it all over the entertainment center... excuse me while I go deal with that.

Ok, she now has a new sponge that doesn't stink and she is deciding that it's no where near as fun as the other one that looked EXACTLY the same. Why is it that kids discard whatever you give them that is ok to play with for that which will make your house a smelly grunge pit of germy disgustingness?

Monday, April 26, 2010


Yesterdays weigh in: 176.5 which means I gained half a pound and lost all hopes of ever getting out of the 170s.... for about 3 minutes. Then I bucked up and got onto the Weight Watchers website and totally rededicated myself to getting the weight off. I need to have a meeting with Jillian. (I have illusions that people are reading these weigh-ins and routing for me like some Ruby wanna-be. LOL! Style - here I come. I could have a great show called Mission Impossible: Losing Weight While Breast Feeding and Potty Training. Subtitle: ...and working and being a wife and keeping up a house and several hobbies.)

Abby went down semi-easy for her nap today which does not reflect the insanity of last night. I put her in bed and she got out and I put her back and she got out. She claimed she had to poop and after previous incidents, I wanted to give her at least the opportunity to poop IN THE POTTY! She discovered that this was a way to get out of actually going to bed so... then it was a game. She gets out of the bed, is put on the potty, is watched like a hawk and then gets put back in bed screaming that she is being scarred for life and totally over the whole bed "thing." So after an hour and fifteen minutes of that, I almost lost it. I let her know, in no uncertain terms, that getting out of bed again would be a grave life altering mistake and she would regret it well into her teens. In the words of Bill Cosby, "I brought you into this world and I can take you out, AND I can make another one that looks just like you!"

I realized recently that the picture on this blog is way out of date. It was taken in November of 2009 but I have a good reason. I had a picture taken of the family in the hospital right after Cate was born. It shows me as a puffy, drugged up insomniac and although I posted it, I will not use it as my banner. I had pictures of us taken at a party and you can totally see my bra and a bit of breast pad hanging out through my somewhat sheer shirt that didn't like flashes. I will not even post those... I'm hoping to get some really good shots in a couple of weeks when a pro photographer is going to be in town and has agreed to take my money and make me look like a rock star. I REALLY need to get back with Jillian Micheals before that. I have to go... I need to work out before I eat everything in my house...

Lost in Translation

I remember when there was an event that had many Spanish speaking only people in attendance. My father had sent my sister and I down to Costa Rica for some schooling and to learn the language. Since he paid for the education, he got first dibs on the translation services and we spent most of the event translating for him over our own conversations. I even taught a guy how to play golf by translating Dad's instructions... very interesting since my Spanish was terrible and I did a lot of guessing.

We are in that stage (about 2 and some months) where Abby is talking in what may be full sentences. I say "may be" because there are a lot of unintelligible filler words that make it somewhat difficult to decipher what she is saying if you are not her mother. I'm already getting looks from people. You know, Abby will say something to them and they will look at me with that inquisitive look that says, "Translation, please."  She also still talks in third person so every sentence starts with "Abby."

Interesting thing, just because you can translate your own kids language does not mean you will understand other kids in that same stage. This language they develop is individual and the translation ability comes from hearing them develop it and knowing your own kids sound substitutions.

Abby has taken to saying, "Baby Doll drink-a-da meowk a-da-button." This means, "My baby doll is drinking milk out of my belly button." This is how she "breast-feeds" her dolls now. LOL!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Breaking the Rules

Last night, Abby was running to watch Clifford and have her hair put in curlers when she took a tumble. That is pretty typical so I didn't react but then she really started crying and I went over to comfort her and then I saw the blood. It was everywhere. She had hit her mouth on the coffee table and split her lip open on the inside. She bled FOREVER and I almost cried myself. We got her cleaned up but I couldn't stop thinking about her injury. I just naturally worry like any parent. I thought about taking her to the emergency room because she might need stitches but we held off.

Today was Freshman church service and my pediatric dentist was in the congregation watching his daughter lead in worship. He usually goes to a different church. Now my rule is to never have an appointment with a professional outside of their office if I can help it. If I'm really desperate, I will call them at home and ask a question then make the appointment for office hours. I have been sitting next to an ophthalmologist when someone blocked him into the pew and said with upturned head, "Is this normal?" as they practically popped their eye out of the socket. I sat and watched when my friend, a radiologist, was bombarded in a restaurant by a colleague who wanted his toe looked at. "Should I have this x-rayed?" Therefore, I try and stay in the office with my appointments.

Today I broke the rule. I stopped the dentist in the parking lot and asked him to look at Abby's gums. They were still black and blue this morning and she was poking at them. He said she was fine and was VERY gracious. I guess when it comes to your children looking like they are from some European, socialist dental plan country or talking to the dentist in the church parking lot, you choose to throw the rules out the window. Thank you, Dr. Campbell.

We did do the curlers and she slept on them nicely. Here's how her hair turned out!

Friday, April 23, 2010


We, as parents of an infant who insists on projectile puking, deal in degrees of puke. "How much puke is on this shirt? Can I still wear it or is it just to much...?" Yes, this is what we ask ourselves on a daily basis. I'm sure our students are amazed at how dirty our shirts are but if we changed our shirts every time we got puked on, it would be a never ending cycle of changing and being puked on and changing and being puked on and we would never leave the house.

I used to resent my husbands millions of t-shirts but I have taken to wearing them while in the house and even, to the chagrin of a very dear friend that hates red-neck fashion, to the mail box and to put the dog out. Usually, I'm not wearing a bra (sorry, neighbors who read my blog...). I try to keep this behavior limited to the early morning or late night so I am cloaked by darkness. Anyway, I go through several of Andy's t-shirts a day due to vomit from the kiddo. I put it in and she shoots it back at me.

I used to have a towel covering the couch. Sometimes, I still do this but it always gets removed. Suddenly, I understand why our grandmothers just kept the plastic wrap over all their furniture - kids...

I have cleaned puke out of the couch, the carpet, my hair... Yes... that's how bad it is. At first I was a little overwhelmed by how many onsies I received when the wardrobe came back around. (We have been passing baby clothes as we seem to all have baby girls on a great time line. Therefore, we have an ever expanding collection of girls clothes that have just come back to me.) I now am totally grateful as Cate goes through 3 or 4 a day. What really gets on my nerves is when I'm changing her, I will barely get the onsie over her head and she will puke on her shoulder as I'm doing up the snaps at the bottom. Yep, she has yet to wear a clean onsie for more than 15 seconds.

It seems like she is puking way more than Abby ever did although I distinctly remember never having a clean shirt with her either. But with Cate, I don't even have a dry shirt... or pants. She BATHES me every time I feed her. I hate burping her because I know there is going to be an excessive amount of "urp" all over me, the sheets, the couch, the floor, whatever. We don't use burp rags so much anymore as we use towels. Not little hand towels or wash clothes - bath sheets. Beach towels.

Ok, you may be saying, "Have you talked to the doctor about this?" I would, but she poops huge amounts, wets several diapers a day, and is gaining weight so is there really anything wrong with her? I doubt it. I'm just not great with the puke.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Lobster Mommy

I relax by taking a bath.... preferably with nice bath salts. For some reason, the smell of nice salts and the comfort of the warm water relaxing all my muscles just makes me feel like nothing can go wrong in the world.

I don't just take a warm bath, I scorch myself until I look like a lobster. I knew I was different when we went to a hot springs that had progressive pools and I just went straight to the hottest one and sat there waiting for my wimpy friends to all sit in one pool after another getting slightly warmer and warmer until they finally couldn't handle it anymore.

Toward the beginning of our marriage, Andy thought it might be nice to get in a bath with me. As his toe hit the water, I heard the hiss of his breath as he sucked it in. He actually made it all the way to the sitting position before he decided the temperature might just kill his sperm count and he escaped never to try getting in with me again. Wimp...

Now that my life gets continually more and more stressful, I take more and more baths. It's the only time I get away from both kids and with the bathroom fan going, I can't hear the "Mommy, Mommy" or the crying or anything. I pretend like I'm all alone in the world and just breath in the steam and the smell of the nice salts and the relaxation.

Cate is a puker (projectile puker) and seems to get a higher than normal amount of yuck in her neck folds and it needs to be soaked off her skin so I have been getting her into the bath with me. Now, just as hot water relaxes me, cold water tenses me up. I have to get in a luke warm (to me) bath to have the baby in there with me so it doesn't scald her skin. I hate it but I have to be in there with her to keep just her face out of the water and get that little neck under and soaked clean. This causes me to have to let all the cold, yucky, puked in Cate water out of the bath, wipe it down, and then fill it with my scalding, relaxing Mommy water. I sink down into the steam, calm down, and get warm again.

Ok, the point of this post: there are certain maintenance men who check to see how much water we (the whole campus) are going through. When it gets a little excessive, they send out an email to all the staff to check to see if there is a leak or if there is a faucet that cannot be turned off. Guys, if you are seeing a ridiculous amount of water coming through the pipes, it's because I'm taking way more baths and sometimes I have to take two at a time. I know, I'm totally ruining the earth with my water wastage but... at least I'll be relaxed when the world ends from the lack of water.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Black Bean Burgers... Way good for you, SO THERE, Jillian Micheals!!!

Weighing in today at 176. That's officially 10 lbs. since I started WW this year.

I'm doing the 30 day shred and I don't think I will stop doing it after 30 days. Good workout and I'm not strong enough to get through level 3 in only 30 days. But I'm also doing Weight Watchers and that means I'm hungry all the time. I'm also broke. I have discovered the solution to all of these. The vegan black bean burger. Here's the recipe but I wanted to share it because it makes a ton of burgers and is cheap and really good for you and only 2.5 WW points per burger which is less than a griller and WAY cheaper.

1 can black beans
1 can garbonzo beans

Puree together

2 cups made oatmeal (that means you make it up and then put it in)
2-3 cups panko bread crumbs depending on the texture you want
1-1.5 cups chopped onion
1-1.5 cups diced celery
2-3 tablespoons ground flax seed
1 small can diced green chilies

spices to taste

I use the following (great thing about vegan recipes is you can taste as you go along because there is no fear of salmonella or anything from the raw egg):
chili powder
black pepper
garlic powder
onion powder

each burger should use about 1/3 cup mix and be "fried" in a little Pam or a little olive oil until heated through and a little crispy on each side.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Sick Day

Last night I woke up to a knocking on Abby's door. We leave it open but we had the exhaust fan on and it was holding her door shut and holding her hostage. She wanted out. I waited for a few minutes to see if Andy, who had decided it was to hot in our room and was sleeping on the couch, would hear her and deal with it. Nope. So I stood up. MISTAKE! Suddenly nausea washed over me and I knew that my ultimate horror was going to happen. I can count on one hand how many times I have thrown up since I have been in high school and one of them was a hangover that cured me from drinking EVER again. I don't throw up. But I knew it was coming. I let Abby out of her room and sat on the couch to cry about my fate. I woke up Andy and told him he needed to deal with at least one kid while I was sick. He took her and I went back to Cate. I can't throw up. I can't let myself be sick. I'm a mom and it's a big weekend at the school and there is no one left here to fill in for us. We just have to suck it up and do what we have to do even if we leave a trail of puke. That's the problem with the economy and the fact that there is little support for Christian Education. We have limited our staff so much that they don't even have time to be sick. It's sad really. Today, I didn't leave the house. Andy did my supervision for a while and then Tim took some and that was it for me but Andy is going to have to leave me soon... again. I'm going to be taking care of a toddler and an infant and there is nothing to be done about it.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Mom's Super Power

I am Super Mom (said with that old school super hero show voice.) My super power is the ability to sense when something is about to go south. For example, today Abby went down for her nap. I knew she wasn't sleeping. Then my Mommy Sense started to tingle. I could smell farts coming from her room. I ran back asking her if she had pooped. She said no and presented me with her clean butt. Hilarious! So we went to the potty and she immediately went number 2. I totally knew it! My friend was sitting with me at my kitchen table and said, "I can't believe you smelled that from there. I still don't smell anything." It's my super power.

The sad thing is, I can't always prevent what I'm sensing. I can't always catch the puke when Cate upchucks. I can't always get to the spot I know Abby is going to fall to catch her.

The other day, a friend asked me how I knew when the milk was coming in. I explain it like pins and needles like when a leg or arm falls asleep. I can always tell when Cate is going to be hungry because the milk comes in and I get that Mommy sense (pins and needles.)

Any other mommy's have stories of when their Mommy sense went off and they prevented or could have predicted a disaster?

Thursday, April 15, 2010

My Diet Plan

I am a mom. My diet plan is my babies. I will sit down with my food and Abby will run up to me. "A bite! A bite!" She want's food even though I fed her first and she said she was done. But NO! Now she want's to pull what Andy and I affectionately call Helen-Kellering. This is where she eats off of everyone's plate that has food. No longer the cute little habit that started out when she started walking... now... just annoying. So she's eating my food. Then there is a cry from the corner and Cate needs to eat. So I put down my food to be pillaged by my two year old and possibly the dog while I feed Cate. I come back to way less than I left and that, my friends, is how mom's diet.

I have been walking and that is great but I felt the need to tone up so my mom sent me Jillian Michael's workout video. I'm doing it and Abby has been "dancing" with me. Her best part is the cool down. First day, I asked her if she could reach her toes and of course she could but she saw that I was not touching mine. She walked over and totally pushed me down to my toes. What was this?! She was totally chanelling Jillian! Then, today (3rd day) I asked her again and she saw that I was totally touching my toes duyring the stretching. Yes, she checked on me! Who is this kid? She goes, "Good job, Mommy!" LOL! My two year old is training me. I feel totally bad if I don't do the work out because she just loves it! She gets to tell me what to do!

Monday, April 12, 2010


I'm tired. Potty training is literally the worst part of parenting EVER! Abby did really well today but I am worried that now that my mother in law is gone, she will have trouble as I am breastfeeding and I can't just yank one kid off to help the other when the call of nature hits.

We have moved the baby potty into the bathroom and she is using it as a stool to get on the big potty. She told me today that she needed "prishey" which I figured out was privacy when she pushed me out of the bathroom and shut the door. We are also leaving the door to her room open a bit when she is down for a nap and for bed so she can get out if something happens. She uses potty as an excuse to get out of bed time and nap time but eventually, she does get to sleep and I'd rather have to take her back to bed over and over than clean up another crazy mess of POOP ALL OVER HER ROOM!!! We'll see how it goes. I think it's going to work out this time. I wonder when we will be able to transition the whole way into underwear and not use diapers EVER AGAIN!!!

Weigh In 3

177 yesterday at the weigh in... then I ate like 65 points worth of my fabulous homemade mac and cheese and homemade doughnuts... Not good.

Saturday, April 10, 2010


Last night, after an hour of "being in bed," Abby was crying and Janet opened the door of her room to find that Abby had pooped. She had taken off her diaper, her pj's and was smearing the poop from here to Kingdom Come. It was everywhere: on the floor, on the bed, on the toys, on herself. She put Abby in the tub and that's when I came out of my room to see what all the commotion was about. I went right back in my room and buried my head in my pillow and screamed. I was so angry. I came back out, barely.

I scrubbed down my daughter, I scrubbed down her carpet (going through a whole bottle of Resolve and several pairs of disposable gloves) and my mother-in-law took the bedding and toys and got them all clean. We put her back in bed. Abby knew she had done something wrong. She cried the whole time.

Two guesses as to what she did today during "nap time" and the first two don't count. Andy is on his way to the grocery store for more resolve and a steam cleaner ON THE SABBATH!


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Weigh In

Beginning Weight: 3-25-10  186 lbs

Current Weight: 4-5-10  179.5

We are well on our way to my goal weight of 130. OK, I know it sounds like a long way to go but if I can lose more than 2 lbs a week, we will be there at Christmas and that's my goal! It can happen...

Sunday, April 4, 2010


I have discovered that toddlers want everything to happen RIGHT NOW! Abby has learned the phrase "right now" and is using it after everything. "I'm hungry, right now." "I need to pee in th-potty, right now!" "Take a bath, right now?!" I used to say, "Just a minute," all the time but now it's ALL THE TIME!!! I find myself emphasizing every word trying to get her to understand that right now can't happen but it will happen in just a minute. Grrr...

I love my baby but I'm getting a bit overwhelmed with all the stuff that has to happen RIGHT NOW. There is a diaper to be changed or a training potty to be cleaned out. There is trash to go out and a dog to shut up. There are toys to be moved from room to room and meals to be cooked or a baby to be nursed. There is a screaming mouth open like a baby bird and a kid hanging on my leg begging to go for a walk RIGHT NOW! It's nuts. I'm totally tired. Every minute with them is a blessing but sometimes I wonder if I will make it.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Vegan Chocolate Cupcakes

What you need: pitted dates, water, Chocolate Silk, Silken tofu, flax seed, vanilla, baking soda, cocoa powder, brown sugar, all purpose flour.

You begin by putting one cup of dates in half a cup of water in a small sauce pan or pot and just bringing them to a boil. Remove it from the heat and let it cool just a bit. Preheat your oven to 425.

Then blend up the whole concoction. Make sure you get it really smooth.
Then put it through a strainer to get rid of anything that would cause lumps or skins or whatever. You need half a cup of puree after its all said and done.

Now grind up flax seed and put two tablespoons into a large mixing bowl. Leftover flax seed should be kept in the fridge.

 Add to the flax seed one and a half cups all purpose flour.

Then add half a cup of brown sugar (or sugar in the raw if you want something less processed).

Now add 3/4 cup of cocoa powder.

And then 2 teaspoons baking soda.

Now mix it all together really good. Make sure any chunks of baking soda are broken up well.

Now add half a cup of the silken tofu to one cup of Chocolate Silk in a separate bowl. It's going to be kinda chunky. Side note: I had never tasted Chocolate Silk before this and I have to say, it's AMAZING (and this is coming from a non-vegan, non-vegetarian). I'm sure that at some point tonight, my mother-in-law will come into the kitchen and find me drinking it out of the carton while trying to hide behind the refrigerator door.

Add in the date puree and one teaspoon of vanilla.

These wet ingredients need to be mixed really well. Either use an electric mixer or put the whole sh-bang back in the blender and get it nice and smooth.
Now add the wet ingredients to the dry and make sure that they are not over mixed but well incorporated. Best thing about this batter is that it's VEGAN so you can lick out the bowl without the fear of getting salmonella or something...

Now fill up muffin tins (either with liners or well oiled or Pam-ed) 1/2 to 3/4 of the way full. Bake at 425 for 12 minutes. Check to make sure they are baked all the way through by putting in a tooth pick. If it comes out clean, you are good to go! Sprinkle them with powdered sugar. (If you want to make this into a cake, bake it for 22-25 minutes. Be careful to let it sit for a while and cool without being disturbed to much because it will fall.)

Aren't they beautiful? And if you don't tell anyone they are vegan, I doubt they will guess it. Just serve them up (with a glass of the fabulous Chocolate Silk) and keep your healthy little secret to yourself until the plate is gone. Then come out and say, "Hey, you just ate vegan food and LIKED IT!"

Healthy Doesn't Have to Be Icky

My mother-in-law is here. She is a vegan. Needless to say, I'm not even a vegetarian but when she's here (especially when Mommy is preoccupied with the kiddos) she does alot of the cooking, cleaning and whatever. Now, whether she is doing the cooking or not, she has never made me feel like I have to be a vegan or cook vegan food for her but she is my guest and I feel a certain obligation to at least provide some of her normal foods so she doesn't waste away to nothing. I have discovered a few things about healthy/vegan living:
1. You don't know it's vegan if no one tells you. I make "vegan" fajitas and they are just that way. I didn't intend to make them that way. I just don't like to cook meat at home because I'm always worried about whether it's well done and I end up making chicken/beef/fish jerky all the time so I don't even bother. I don't really love vege-meat substitutes and they are dang expensive. I don't put cheese on fajitas because I can't taste it well and it brings up the Weight Watchers point value. The only non-vegan thing I may sometimes have on fajitas is sour cream.

2. When you fake it, people know. If you try to make vegan Mac and Cheese, you are going to fail. Mac and Cheese is a dairy based thing. You have to just make things that don't require dairy or that have very little dairy and you know you can hide the substitute. If you are making stew and it calls for chicken, just leave it out. If you are making a baked product and it calls for butter, use the sub and don't tell anyone. It's just easier not to try and make a tofurkey that is going to taste like sawdust and everyone knows you are faking it.

3. FRESH STUFF IS BEST! If you can get fresh avocado and make it into a spread and put it on your sandwich so it's not dry, you are really doing good. If you can get fruit and make a nice salad, no one is going to complain. Just know that it's going to be more expensive but you are going to live longer.

I am not going vegan. I'm not even going vegetarian but I know that when I am around people who are, it's not going to be a problem because I know how to cook stuff that will make us both happy. I just can't give up my twice a year steak. I am addicted but I do learn alot from those who are stronger than me.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Pooping Face and the Sling Cat Fight

I am amazed how much I can tell about my kids bodily functions by their faces. Cate is in that red, pinched face, watery eyes I'm-pooping phase. Abby still gets this face and I can always tell when I need to take her sitting on the potty seriously because after the red face comes a happy, sort of Shirley Temple "oh" face that tells me that she is about to start jumping up and down and letting drip of pee get everywhere because she "put pee IN THE POTTY!!!" This is major cause for celebration with dancing and chocolate.

I recently procured a sling for Cate from my sister. It really holds the baby in tight and she is at that point where her nails are to short to cut but to sharp to allow them anywhere near you. It's way hot with the sling on so I went ahead and wore a low cut tank and those nails were at my chest for an hour. When I finally relented to the sweat and the scratching, I took off Cate and found that I look like I have been in a cat fight! Therefore, I will not be wearing something low cut to church tomorrow, not that they like that anyway...