Today, and every day since we decided to move, I have felt out of control. I have talked with Andy numerous times about how feeling out of control affects our kids or the kids in the academy but I have not felt this out of control in a long time and it made me realize something: I'm never in control. I just think I am.
Yesterday, when I was on the verge of tears over the many things that seem to be going wrong in this string of decisions we have made, I realized that I needed to pray. We have had long discussions in my small group about what prayer means and if it really works and all that. I started out asking God to take control. As I quietly "talked" this over with God, I realized that he is always in control so why am I asking him to be in control? Then I decided the best thing was to just tell him how I felt. I said that I was feeling out of control and that wasn't easy. I told him that I hated the way everything was going. I told him how I felt that Satan was attacking my marriage, my finances and my other family relationships. I told him that I was GLAD that HE was in control and not me and that I trusted him that it would all work out. I felt better.
I think just talking to God about how you feel and telling him what you want (even though he already knows) is kind of cathartic and really helps YOU. You can't help God. You can't help others (really!). You can only help YOURSELF and do what you believe is His will by having a relationship with Him and that's it! Everything else is just going to run you in circles and make you crazy. I don't want to be crazy, but I'm glad (now) that I'm out of control.