Ashes of Bad Teenagers

I see this little bottle everywhere in schools and homes, this Ashes of Bad Teenagers. It is obviously a difficult thing to deal with young people sometimes and I should know - I was a BAD teenager. I was the one that rolled her eyes at everything my parents said and even if I wasn't showing it on the outside all the time, I was thinking what idiots they were. I was having shouting matches with them in my head and sometimes in real life. I said things I'm not proud of and made mistakes I wish I could go back and fix like a bad spelling error in a manuscript. I'm writing this particular blog for the parents/teachers of difficult teenagers. What am I saying? I should have said ALL TEENAGERS!

My parents spent an inordinate amount of time trying to get me to understand several things:

1. I was smarter than I thought. I could have been a straight A student.

A little time and effort and READING THE DIRECTIONS ALL THE WAY THROUGH makes a huge difference in grades.

2. Boys would always be there. I had way to many boyfriends.

Relationships when you are a teenager are largely just for entertainment and should be taken in stride. Don't get all bent out of shape over stuff.

3. Being open minded didn't mean agreeing with ME (the teenager).

Cussing is not an acceptable substitute for a well rounded vocabulary. Get it together and learn something and then express your frustration or anger or love in a clear manner. Not everyone HAS to like your taste in music, movies, or books to be an open minded person. You don't like their stuff either so don't judge the older folks.

4. A relationship with God is the only way to make it through this life.

God seriously wants you to have a great life. He didn't put you here to suffer. Let him lead you and it will go much smoother. If you want to know what He wants, you need to be His true friend and be honest with yourself. This means taking a good hard look at yourself, and no one else, every day when you STUDY YOUR BIBLE or SPEND TIME ALONE WITH GOD! If you can find 2 or 3 hours to spend reading Twilight, you can find 30 minutes to set aside for the Lord your Savior. If you can find 3 hours a day to watch youtube, you can find time to spend with God. If you can spend 3 hours on the phone with your significant other, you can find time to spend with God. It's all a matter of priorities.

The hope for parents and teachers is this - I find myself saying those exact things to my students all the time which means I either learned them or I'm great at channeling my mother. Maybe both.

Teeth, Mommy

Abby's favorite thing to do is brush her teeth, at least right now. She loves to floss also... Weird. If I let her, she will walk around with the toothbrush cleaning everything and then her teeth. No wonder her breath stinks half the time. She comes into the bathroom and practically screams, "Teeth, Mommy, Teeeetthh!!!" I wonder if she thinks she needs to yell because I'm way up here and she's way down there.

Whenever I'm getting ready in the bathroom, she comes in and stands on the toilet and imitates my every move. She wants foundation, blush, eye shadow and the works. I substitute a q-tip for and eye applicator, let her use a clean old blush brush and give her lotion to put on as foundation. I love it that she wants to do whatever I do.

When I go to the OBGYN, she sits in the chair with me and gets an unhooked blood pressure cuff on her arm while I'm getting mine checked. She weighs herself and pulls up her shirt and points to her tummy when they check the heartbeat. I love it. She's such a cutie.

Birthday and Baby Butts

My birthday was fabulous. I got up, went to gymnastics with Abby, came home, cleaned, taught class, got some fabulous pictures from my husband as a romantic gift, made myself a birthday lasagna, put Abby to bed and now I'm sitting here dreading putting together the worksheet for my students. I just want a break. I know that's not going to happen right now but we are going to celebrate at the Christmas break. I think. I'm not sure what we are going to do.

OK, on to the poop. Abby has been telling me when she feels like she's going to poop. She really wants to poop in the potty so I tried tonight to accommodate. I got her pants and diaper off and put her on the potty. Nothing. She got on and off and on and off. Then I heard it: the telltale fart that indicates the beginning of movement. I grabbed her to put her back on the potty. There was poop everywhere but the potty. She was so pleased with herself. I spent 10 minutes putting the poop in the potty and cleaning up the residue while she sat happily on the potty doing absolutely nothing. So why don't training potties come with the straps? Whatever.

I give up... Come on, Christmas!

The little tree that could is no longer. Due to my inherent lack of a green thumb, we have had to make rosemary butter out of what was to be the Christmas bush. Today, Andy browsed Home Depot for something I can't kill and found a 5 foot pre-lit tree. We are going to make some ornaments and I'm making some stockings for us to hang... I'm not sure where. Maybe over a heating vent or something. Anyway, let the frivolous Christmas decorating begin. We are officially on the path of financial ruin around the holidays and for some reason, I just can't say no to it all. Stockings, tree. Next thing you know, I'll be out selling my hair for an X-Box.

Public Tantrums

Whenever I go to Mom's group, if I want to stay awake through the whole thing, and my class and then dinner and bedtime, I have to have a little caffine. Therefore, Abby and I make a trek past Abercrombie and Fitch, some hair place, a jewelry store, through Belk and to Starbucks and back to the play area. Now, store fronts are easy because everything is behind glass and she can press her face up against the windows and no harm is done. Belk is another story. Jewelry is laid out for all to TOUCH and clothing racks are practically in the aisles. Makeup is within arms reach and all this usually proves to much for my little angel. Sometimes, I can get her through holding my hand the whole way. Some days, she get's through being held, squirming, screaming and upside-down. Oh, well.

She has taken to going limp when I'm holding her hand and she doesn't want to be led. I'm not sure how to get her off the floor when I'm to big and she's to big for me to carry but for now, I still win by sheer size.

Public tantrums are going to be a problem. Fortunately, my husband is an angel and usually is with me when I'm in the grocery store or a restaurant. Then one of us can haul the screaming kid out and the other can face the stares and humiliation while paying.

My biggest problem is when someone else's kid is having a fit. I want to be sympathetic but I can't decide whether to look or not look. If I don't look, I'm judging. If I look and they take it the wrong way, I'm judging. JUST TO LET YOU ALL KNOW: I'M NOT JUDGING! Abby is just as bad as every other kid. She is a screamer and unless I've had enough stamina to get out our monster stroller or the grocery cart straps are in tact and working, she is going to be in my arms, screaming, kicking and making a general nuisance of herself.

Insomnia

Well, just like the last pregnancy the insomnia is setting in. It is very hard not to cry every night when I wake up at 2 am and can't get back to sleep. I have read several books, taken up a vicious video game habit and am getting very frustrated.

The worst part is that when I first wake up, I try and get back to sleep as fast as possible but all the things I did that day that may have been "wrong" go through my head over and over and over. Last night I gave the wrong version of a test to some unsuspecting and very vulnerable freshmen. Poor kids couldn't figure out why they failed and all of them were feeling really crappy. I tossed and turned over that one most of the wee hours of the morning.

After finally getting back to sleep, I will wake in the morning feeling like I forgot something important and I will have that feeling all day. You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach? Like, "I left the oven on and the house is burning down and it's all my fault." Yeah, that feeling... all day. I hate it.

Pictures with Santa

So we finally did get pictures with Santa. So cute. Posting a copy on here. For $17 you get a fist full of advertisements and two, count them people, only two photos of your kid and Santa. Thank goodness for scanners.

Abby was totally freaked out and I don't know why. She is totally won over all the time and I don't get this sudden refusal to smile. So, I went ahead and bought the dear in the head lights picture and it looks remarkably like last years picture.