An irreverent look at motherhood and family life in a new state of normal.

Monday, December 20, 2010


After having babies, I have learned that you lose your freedom and it is given back to you in stages. Similar to being on parole or something. Not that having babies is like being in prison but... oh, who am I kidding. It's exactly like being in prison. You can't leave your place of residence without significant difficulty, the screaming keeps you awake, the food looks like slop and you can't change the channel off PBS Kids.

Anyway, your freedom comes back. Just very slowly. At some point, the baby starts to sleep in their own bed and you can roll over without the fear that you are going to crush them. Then the baby starts to crawl meaning you don't have to hold them all the time and you can have your hands back sometimes. Then they stop breastfeeding (if they ever were) and you have your boobs back (at least for feeding... they will always be pillows for everyone in your family). This is usually followed by them learning fairly quickly how to feed themselves (and I don't mean the crap they find on the floor although I'm sure they could survive on that just fine.) Walking frees you up even more and that last little bit... potty training. The ultimate freedom is when you don't have to deal with people's excrement all day, every day. Ah, freedom... I can't wait. My release date (baring any other pregnancies) The last day of Cate's potty training. To celebrate that day (in the oh, so distant future) I am buying a big screen TV for my bedroom on which I will watch whatever the heck I want!

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